So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
bring money and cleavage
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
