I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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