I cockslap morals
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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