I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
