You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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