she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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