OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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