Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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