I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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