You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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