I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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