Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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