I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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