If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
