I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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