my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she looked like the before picture.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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