The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
