Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
