(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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