im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
