cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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