Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
