Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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