So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
