Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
