I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize