well you can't waste a boner
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
