well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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