Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
