i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
