I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
