textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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