She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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