Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
