some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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