I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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