just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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