It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
