I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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