ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
