just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
