I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
