I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
