dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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