The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize