I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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