no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
