If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
