my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
