Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
