what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
