I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
