The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
