oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
