I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
