you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You're like the curious george of whores
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We have started to decorate penises.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
