If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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