I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
