So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
