so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
