that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
