dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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