The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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